This may be the start of a theme. That being a feeling of being separate from a majority of the rest of the world. Thank God for medication. It has helped me to break through that wall somewhat and hold a conversation (actually listening to another person without desperately trying to hold onto my own thoughts).

Medication hasn't made me like the rest of the world but does help me relate to it and fit in better.
This image, with it's slight bow to Magritte and his The Son of Man, shows what ADD, especially unmedicated ADD is like. When you try to communicate with someone who has ADD, remember this image. You are speaking through an invisible wall.

Salt & Pepper

I have to admit that I felt apart from the world for most of my young life. When we who are blessed with ADD are thrown into the world of education, we have to make it on out own since our teachers can rarely keep our attention and don't understand us when we speak. That is one reason that while I got my BS degree I never read a book in college. 

So I spent my young life in my own little world, apart from the world at large. 

When I finally left the disastrous world of education and set out for NYC, I discovered that my ADD made me a perfect fit for the world of commercial photography. I spent 4 years assisting famous photographers and as I did, I grew in self-confidence and position until I was running the studios for them. Now, after 33 years, the appreciation by my own clients has continued to further turn me from that lonely kid in school to a leader of my own studios

This image shows that either way, back in school or in my own studios, I have always been kind of separate from the pack. It's just so much better now. 

J Walking

I know it's not considered proper but there is a reason why I J-walk in New York City. It all has to do with my ADD. 

I walk through the city in a fog made up of my own thoughts. My eyes dart back and forth as different shiny objects grab my attention and then are replaced buy a different one. If I am walking with someone else, my mind will be filled with the conversation instead of where I am going. 

When I wait for the "safe" corner to cross the street, I won't be thinking about crossing at all and have, in the past, just missed being hit by a bicycle messenger or cab ignoring the light. 

However, if I cross in the middle of the street, I know that I am taking the dangerous choice and my mind is forced to focus on dodging between cars to get across. I have always crossed safely. Standing on a line between two moving lines of traffic keeps me sharp, focused and safe.

And that's why I J-walk.

Working on my MFA

I am currently working on an MFA in photography. It's funny to be back in school myself after having been an adjunct professor of photography at a local University for the last seven years. Oddly enough, my first MFA project is aimed directly at trying to describe ADD in a visual manner. Here is my first attempt. 

This image describes what is involved when I attempt to read. I know how to read and I do read short things like periodicals. I have even written 4 books but reading one of them, even for this author, is super difficult.

It goes something like this: I read the first paragraph but am lucky if I can pick up one or two words. I reread the paragraph but the message is still fuzzy. I must reread the paragraph 4-5 times until I finally "get" what the writer is trying to say.

Ok, that's the first paragraph. Now onto the next one. I must repeat the process and by the time I get that one into my brain, I have totally lost the first one. If you are thinking that this might be a bit frustrating, you would be right. And that is why I have never read a book either in college or now in graduate school. So if you hate to read, have not read a book in a long time or have kids that don't read, realize that reading for them might just be as difficult as it is for me.

Give 'em a hand

I personally feel that having someone with ADD around can be a great asset. We make great photo assistants as well as great photographers. It all comes back to the hand thing. It works like this: give me a list of things to do (or a layout). I will hold it in my hands, look at it and it will enter my brain. If I put the list down, nothing will be accomplished but if I pick the first list item and stick the list in my pocket, I can be depended upon to work creatively and dependably until the entire list is competed. I can work happily by myself or if necessary, lead others to get the job done. 
Folks with ADD normally have higher IQs than the world at large although it can stay hidden as we struggle to function in what is considered the "normal" world. It seems that we are made that way because we have to think on our feet. We can't plan ahead (requires memory) and we can't recall (see previous) so we live in the moment. We learn to make good, quick decisions. 
Speaking again of hands, once we use them, we tend to remember what we have done. Many years ago, I put a nice V8 engine in my tiny black Ford Falcon. I put air shocks in the back and muffler dumps underneath. That all took me a whole summer but since then I have been able to work on cars (just for fun) since my hands have already gone through the learning way back then. 
For us, hand/eye memory becomes brain memory while ear/eye memory just can't. This understanding helps me know how to learn and can help other know how to teach people with ADD. 

Use your hands

I think I have been slightly one sided about the problems that arise when relating to people with ADD. A great majority of these problems come from our inability to remember. However, there are great advantages once we leave the arena of relationships. 
It's not surprising that so many people with ADD grow up to be artists and photographers. 
I believe that the majority of the world can accept and remember information through their eyes and ears. This prepares them in an excellent way for learning within the confines of a classroom. 
However, when I sit in a classroom, I see the teacher and try to hear, but I can't keep track of what she/he is saying because I keep forgetting what was said previously so I can't tie it all together. Add to that the fact that most classrooms have windows. How can I listen to a teacher when so much interesting stuff is going on outside? 
So if I was not built for a classroom, how am I to learn? Here is how I did it. I stumbled through high school and 4 years of college. The degree has been handy but I cannot honestly say that I use anything I learned in college today.
After college I went to NYC to work as a photo assistant. It was within those next 4 years that I learned more than I had in the last 8 years of school and I continue to use what I learned hands-on. That's the key. Information does not come to me through my ears or eyes. No - my hands have to be involved for me to keep something in my brain. I'll write more later about this. For now, just realize that our information is retained better when our hands are involved.

Holding a conversation with someone who has ADD

I'm not sure if you have experienced this or not. If you are in a relationship with someone who has ADD, you probably have. It goes something like this:
You might be having a one on one discussion or even an argument with a person. You are clearly outlining your own points and the other person is looking straight at you but you can tell that this person is not really listening to what you are working so hard to relate. This fact is driven even more home when this person blurts out something related to what you were saying 1/2 hour ago. You might now be thinking "how can you be so selfish" "Why do you only think about yourself" and "why don't you care about me or what I am saying"?

What can I do to assure you that this inability to hold a simple conversation has nothing to do with their feelings for you. It has everything to do with how people with ADD are built. We have so many things that we can do better than anyone else but holding a conversation and reading a book are not among our abilities. 

When you are speaking to someone with ADD this is what their mind is doing.
1) Remember, they can't remember so following a full conversation is very difficult if not impossible.  
2) While they look at you intently, they will fixate on a thing you have said that they feel is important.
3) From that point on, everything else you say is not entering their mind because it is very busy trying desperately to remember that last important point and their response. 
This is the desperation that people with ADD experience when involved in a simple conversation. What is peaceful and natural for you is a mad rush of adrenaline as they try to relate in a "normal" manner. 

So how do you relate to someone with ADD? I can think of a few hints that may help. 

• We respond well to bullet points. While you may long for a leisurely conversation, one clear point will usually get through to us. That is why we excel at following orders.
• Write it down. If you give me a note, I can hold it in my hands, consider it, and then respond.
• Medication can help us. ADD medication is basically amphetamines which help our brains connect front to back. This can greatly improve our memory and help us hold a conversation without desperation. 

So there are some thoughts. The truth is: communicating with someone with ADD is tough. It will never be easy but there are habits we can develop that will make it more effective.

ADD brings me to NYC

I was just about to graduate from RIT. I had spent the last 2 years in a drunken stupor (possible self-medication), my girl friend had just dumped me (ADD & relationship problems?) and my "dream" job for GE (as a photographer) had fallen through. Bummer. My friend Mark looked at me and said "no problem Bill, you're moving to NYC". 

Now here's how ADD responds to that: Since I could not remember the past, or plans for my future, I just made an instant decision: "Sure Mark, let's go to New York". Without medication and no good connection between my brain and pre-frontal cortex, I had no way to make plans or remember them if I had. To me this was normal. I thought that living in the moment was the way everyone lived. In retrospect, this instant decision turned out to be a good one.

This was my first apartment on West 22nd Street. It was made even smaller by the fact that I shared it with cockroaches and mice. It was a great place. Looking out the only window was a great view. Not only could you talk to the dishwashers for the Angry Squire restaurant hanging out back but way at the end of the alley was the back of the Chelsea Hotel! Pretty cool no?

Welcome ADD Photographers!

Back in 2001 I was diagnosed with ADD. I was 47 at the time and working as photographer for Kraft Foods in New Jersey. I had already run my own commercial photo studios in NYC for 14 years before that and had worked as an in-house photographer for Nabisco Inc. for another 12 years. Here is how I was finally diagnosed:
A client walked into my studio one day and asked "did you get my email?" "No. Did it have a lot of words" I asked? "Sure" was his reply. "Well then I most likely deleted it without reading it" I said. It was this very client who turned me in and an appointment was made for me to see a neurologist. My doctor interviewed me for an hour and at the end suggested that I accept a prescription for 20mg of Ritalin Slow Release. 
I reluctantly relented but have found it to be a God-send for the last 11 years.
I'm writing this blog to help folks who live with those blessed with ADD. While I consider ADD to be a gift, it is not always seen that way by those we live with. I have 58 years of experience with ADD and only the last 11 have had the benefit of medication.